And I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

Rolling down my driver’s side window

Cruising in a worn out mini-van

Bra slipped off once I hit Mile 10

But I don’t even give a damn

Driving fast past field after field

A blur of peanuts, cotton, and wheat

I take one deep breath, let it roll out

The autumn air, so pungent and sweet

Left arm hanging out the window

Wind coursing through fingers and hair

I need to peel more layers off

I want my soul stripped bare

Got U2 playing on the radio

Sung every song ‘til my throat felt sore

But I still haven’t felt, nor seen, nor found

Just what the hell I’m looking for

I was cleansed by the Holy Spirit

At the innocent age of nine

Had my share of His body and His blood

Yet still there’s a void in this heart of mine

Feeling like I’m always running, running

To where I just don’t know

Something out there calls to me

And I can’t..don’t want to let it go

Veering off to the right, I catch a note

A familiar road that sings my tune

Out of sight and out of mind I park, stepping down

Breathing in the scent of home, now taking off my shoes

Toes digging into cool, red Georgia clay

Eyes turned up to the starlit sky

The most feral part inside of me

Breaks free with a night owl’s cry

Robert Plant’s sultry croon

Reminds me of what used to be

Those days mindless things weren’t allowed

To have such complete hold over me

I smell a storm brewing just on the horizon

My senses now electrified, intensified, awake

I don’t know where tonight may lead, but

If it keeps on raining, the levee’s gonna break

Another deep breath, toes digging deep

The first drops begin to fall

And in this moment, I am free…I exist

Just for myself, for no one else...I am whole.

The day is steadily un-becoming

As night approaches its un-folding

And I lean into the whole un-doing

The bittersweet surrender of it all